You know what all the really popular video game properties have that is currently missing from the Minis realm? FAN FICTION. When you've got a bunch of whackjobs writing their own abuser-generated content about your game world, that's when your game has hit it big! With that in mind, let me continue my earlier thought about a Minis crossover and proudly be the first whackjob to write a piece of shi--I mean, Minis fan fiction:
With his trusty portable Recycl-O-Ray in hand, the indefatigable warrior Ace Armstrong stepped into the windswept, cliff-top arena. Across the barren expanse, he could see his opponent: a Giant Enemy Crab (TM). "Geez," thought Ace, "that guy's freaking huge! I hope this gun will be enough to take on someone this tough!" Just then, the imposing crustacean noticed Ace looking at him. The arena shook as his monstrous legs pounded the ground and turned his body toward Ace. A massive claw menacingly brandished, the fearsome creature spoke: "Hey, buddy! Welcome! Glad you could make it! My name's Clawrence. I'm really looking forward to our match! You want some coconut juice before we get started?"
Ace picked his Recycl-O-Ray up off the floor, along with his jaw. "Uh, n-no, I'm okay. I'm good."
"Oh? Well, all right. Then let's get this show on the road!" Clawrence pointed toward a diminutive figure at the side of the arena. "That's the referee and judge for our match, Thor (er, don't make any comments about his age! He hates that!). Thor, whenever you're ready!"
Ace and Clawrence took their ready positions, and Thor's voice thundered into the heavens:
"ACE ARMSTRONG vs. CLAWRENCE the CRAB! FFFFIGHT!!!"
Ignoring the sudden blasting of techno music from the sidelines and a voice chanting, "Kano . . . Liu Kang . . . ," Ace broke into a run and began firing his standard shots at Clawrence. Meanwhile, his opponent charged straight at him--yet none of his shots hit! "Crap! His hitbox is too small!" Ace leaped out of the way as the crab zoomed past at full speed. Recovering from his evasive roll, Ace considered his situation. "I'm going to need a different weapon. But how?! Wait--of course! When he charges, he leaves a cloud of dust behind him! I'll suck that into the Recycl-O-Ray, and BAM, new secondary weapon!"
Just then, Ace noticed that Clawrence hadn't actually been charging at him at all. He had simply been dashing to the edge of the arena in order to catch what appeared to be a massive golden Viking helmet dropping out of the sky. As soon as he caught it, Thor's voice once again shook the arena: "INVINCIBILITY! HU HA HA HA HA HA!"
Ace sighed and shook his head. "Well. That sure sucks. WHOA!" He jumped away just in time as Clawrence came zipping past once again.
"WAAAHOOOOO!!! Hey, Ace, isn't this fun?!"
Ace couldn't answer, as he was busy sucking into his ray gun the dust cloud left behind by the boisterous crab. He checked the weapon display. "Yes! The shotgun blast! I've got an idea! Oh, here he comes again!" Clawrence barely missed trampling him for a third time. But, this time, the Earthling space hero managed to open fire with his new weapon, successfully knocking off the helmet. "Now's my chance. I HAVE YOU NOW!" As Clawrence came back for another pass, Ace engaged his secondary weapon . . .
. . . and nothing happened. Ace once again dove out of harm's way (but just barely, as Clawrence was getting more accurate with each run) and then checked his weapon display. "OH NO!" he gasped, "I accidentally pressed the Triangle button again! I DISCARDED THE SHOTGUN BLAST! NOOOOOOOO!!!" His attention thus distracted, Ace became a sitting duck for Clawrence's next attack. The enormous crab once again reversed direction and began to charge . . .
. . . only to find himself dashing uncontrollably right past his opponent, through the arena wall, and over the edge of the cliff. "OH, CRAP! I accidentally pressed the X button twice! I didn't mean to hit the Turbo! CUUUUUURRRRRSSSSEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeesss . . . !!!"
Dumbfounded, Ace sat cross-legged on the ground as he listened to the fading voice of his self-disqualifying competitor. He vaguely noticed Thor walk up to him. After staring at him for a few seconds in silence, he managed to say, "Uuuuhhh . . . ?"
Thor ignored Ace's victory speech. "Congratulations. You have defeated Clawrence. More or less. Certainly no FLAWLESS VICTORY."
Ace scratched his head. "So, does this mean I advance to the next round?"
Thor raised an eyebrow. "Next round? There is no next round. This was the qualifying test for a mission. You were the only one who managed to dodge that crab's attacks well enough to survive. So, we're going to give you a fighter craft, and you're going to use those skills to avoid getting killed while infiltrating the heart of an invading force. Watch out for the buzzsaws, by the way. Oh, and if you have too much trouble with the ship's controls and your whole thing with not having 3 right thumbs, we can patch that for you (you wuss)." Thor headed back to his official's podium. "All right, so now I'll announce your next task:
ACE ARMSTRONG vs. the ALIEN SCUMBAGS!"
. . .
Meanwhile, at the foot of the cliff, a voice piped up from the bottom of a smoldering crater: "Oh, hey, I found a huge red gem! And, look, a pearl necklace! OWW--what the--??? Is it raining coconuts down here?! And *gasp* GOLD!"
FIN
Well, so there's my "origin story" for two Minis, plus a cameo from a third. I hope people enjoy it. If so, then maybe I'll think of something else to post. For this one, some ideas popped into my head, and I felt like putting them down into a little comedy. If people don't enjoy this, well, then I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.
